Two years ago I dropped a bit of weight and had to get new work pants the next size down. Even though I regularly wear the “smaller” size, I never got rid of the other pants.
Lo and behold earlier this year, my “smaller” size pants … seemed….shall we say, “snug”? AKA “too tight”?
I pulled out the larger size pants and as I zipped them up–and they were tight–my heart sank.
Not long after that, I had blood work done to check my thyroid level.
I was anxiously awaiting blood work results to see what my thyroid # was and if it was finally in the “optimal” category, after months of lingering at the sub-optimal level.
When I received the results and saw the number was not even close, I was deflated.
Immediately to myself: Why? What. Was. I. Doing. Wrong? Was it the cauliflower? Was it the coffee? My Dr. was the voice of perspective : “Nina, you are telling me you feel fantastic [after a long series of questions on symptoms] and your symptoms are gone.” “I treat the patient not a piece of paper. How do we know when you took your med later that day, the number wasn’t up in the optimal category?”
Pant sizes. Lab results. The Scale. Dear lord, the scale. How many times have we got on and had a lousy day because of the number we saw? As I am writing this, it is unbelievable that I would let these “numbers” dictate the way I feel about my body and ultimately my self-worth. Is this toxic message one I need to be sending myself? Duck, no!
Where did this obsession come from having beauty and worth tied to a low number? Isn’t the most important thing for any of us to feel is vibrant and alive?
We are bombarded by it everyday in social media. How many “likes” , how many friends, how many “followers”.
“The number of “followers” you have does not make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions. Jesus had 12.”
We are not numbers, whether its weight, skirt size, grades, social stats, bank account – you get the idea. These are not measurements of our worth. If we ask the question, ” Am I doing my best in this area?” If answer is yes, then excellent! If the answer is no, then all that is needed is a re-evaulation of our priorities … not our self-worth. xo